MIKE PETRELLI: HARNESS RACING’S MOST SUCCESSFUL FORMER UNSUCCESSFUL TRAINER
Meet Mike Petrelli — former harness-racing trainer, current harness-racing revolutionary, and quite possibly the first man in sporting history to turn a 13-start training career into a multi-year documentary series about everything that’s wrong with everybody else.
According to claims repeatedly circulated in the harness-racing forums, Mike’s legendary résumé included approximately 13 starts and two wins.
Two.
Not two Breeders Crowns.
Not two Meadowlands Paces.
Two wins.
Secretariat had a longer highlight reel.
And yet somewhere along the way, Mike apparently decided that his brief tour of the training ranks had provided him with enough institutional knowledge to become the Inspector General of Harness Racing.
Most trainers retire and play golf.
Mike retired and apparently opened an investigation into the entire fucking sport.
Trainer has a positive? Mike’s on it.
Somebody gets suspended? Mike’s on Facebook.
Something happens in a barn 400 miles away? Mike is already recording Episode 6 of a nine-part investigative series.
And then there’s Mark Ford.
Ford trained champions, won major stakes and was named the 2000 Dan Patch Trainer of the Year.
Petrelli?
Well, according to the folklore surrounding their feud, Mike eventually achieved an honor unavailable to even the greatest trainers in harness racing:
PERMANENTLY BANNED FROM THE MARK FORD TRAINING CENTER.
Imagine despising harness racing so much that you dedicate years of your life to talking about harness racing.
That’s commitment.
Mike doesn’t follow harness racing anymore.
Harness racing follows Mike, primarily because it wants to know what the hell he’s going to accuse somebody of next.
His relationship with the sport is basically that of a divorced guy who tells everyone he’s completely over his ex while checking her Facebook page 17 times a day.
“I’m DONE with harness racing!”
Excellent.
See you tomorrow morning for another three-hour livestream about harness racing.
The greatest irony is that Petrelli has actually participated in legitimate animal-welfare reporting. He helped bring attention to a serious horse-abuse case that ultimately attracted law-enforcement involvement.
But Mike apparently looked at the possibility of becoming a respected industry watchdog and thought:
“Nah. Needs more vendetta.”
So today, the man whose actual training résumé could practically fit on the back of a betting slip lectures an entire industry about how it should operate.
Forget Gallo Blue Chip.
Forget the Breeders Crown.
Forget Trainer of the Year.
Mike Petrelli discovered the one harness-racing career where you never need to enter another horse:
Professional Enemy of Harness Racing.
Career statistics:
Training starts: reportedly 13
Training wins: reportedly 2
Facebook investigations: approximately 4.7 million
Industry enemies: field size exceeded
Mark Ford Training Center invitations: 0
Grudges still racing: ALL OF THEM
Some trainers leave behind trophies.
Mike Petrelli left behind a browser history.
