SCM has been in the shame and rage cycle

[smokingjoe]

To begin, I hope it's obvious to many that SCM is a true narcissist.

It's been interesting to follow his pattern in what we call a "shame and rage cycle.

 It is when a narcissist becomes activated by something that someone says, or if someone does better than them, has something that they want or simply refuses to be used, the narcissist experiences two emotions; shame and then rage. The rage manifests as vindictiveness, retaliation and punishment because they want their perceived perpetrator to feel as bad as them.

Shame is a universal emotion, which you do not have to be a narcissist to experience. Shame is a public emotion, based on the fear that we will be “seen” if the uncomfortable parts of ourselves are exposed to the world and consequently rejected for our deficits and vulnerabilities.   When we don’t process our shame (some of which is carried from early childhood), it turns into negative emotional states that can plague us throughout our lives.  Shame harms us from the outside in as well as the inside out.  Narcissists get into a cycle of anger when their shame is triggered and instead of dealing with the feelings, they just get angry at the person who evoked the feelings in them.  They blame the other person and project the feelings that they cannot tolerate onto the other or they fully discard them. Why?  They want to get ahead of being discarded themselves now that their shameful parts are public.

Over time, the narcissistic person chronically starts to rage at those who evoke their feelings of shame.  Rage isn’t good, and for the most part, people do not react well to being raged at or on the receiving end of vile and disproportionate behavior. So now the narcissist gets stuck in a cycle of feeling shame, lashing out with rage, which results in feeling more shame, which results in lashing out with more rage…do you see where this is going?  Nowhere good, that’s for sure.

Most narcissistic rage has a shame-based origin and because of this, the whole world can feel like one big, shame-inducing threat. Therefore, narcissists employ a range of approaches to defend against this,  such as grandiosity and entitlement, but these do not always work. In other words, the narcissist’s fear of being found out means that they are constantly at risk of shame. 

It is impossible to have a healthy, authentic relationship in the long term with the narcissist because you never know what will trigger their shame. In most cases,  what will trigger them has nothing to do with you.  They just take it out on you.  For example, it may happen if you succeed where they cannot.  As you can see over these many months, SCM has had the most troubles with people with successful careers, professions, etc.

I actually feel sorry for him because he has real talent in some areas and can be comical at times.

The sad news in all this is, it almost never ends well for his type. I'm hoping he's the exception, not the rule.

[bello]

Thanks Professor

[Legal Larry K]

Thanks Professor

hmmmm u jus accuse me of being some other plopper n here u cum on ever y topic takin up 4 petrellio check a mirror bron and pm me n we can talk like big boys in the meentyme quit sniffing scm asshole

[toothman]

To begin, I hope it's obvious to many that SCM is a true narcissist.

It's been interesting to follow his pattern in what we call a "shame and rage cycle.

 It is when a narcissist becomes activated by something that someone says, or if someone does better than them, has something that they want or simply refuses to be used, the narcissist experiences two emotions; shame and then rage. The rage manifests as vindictiveness, retaliation and punishment because they want their perceived perpetrator to feel as bad as them.

Shame is a universal emotion, which you do not have to be a narcissist to experience. Shame is a public emotion, based on the fear that we will be “seen” if the uncomfortable parts of ourselves are exposed to the world and consequently rejected for our deficits and vulnerabilities.   When we don’t process our shame (some of which is carried from early childhood), it turns into negative emotional states that can plague us throughout our lives.  Shame harms us from the outside in as well as the inside out.  Narcissists get into a cycle of anger when their shame is triggered and instead of dealing with the feelings, they just get angry at the person who evoked the feelings in them.  They blame the other person and project the feelings that they cannot tolerate onto the other or they fully discard them. Why?  They want to get ahead of being discarded themselves now that their shameful parts are public.

Over time, the narcissistic person chronically starts to rage at those who evoke their feelings of shame.  Rage isn’t good, and for the most part, people do not react well to being raged at or on the receiving end of vile and disproportionate behavior. So now the narcissist gets stuck in a cycle of feeling shame, lashing out with rage, which results in feeling more shame, which results in lashing out with more rage…do you see where this is going?  Nowhere good, that’s for sure.

Most narcissistic rage has a shame-based origin and because of this, the whole world can feel like one big, shame-inducing threat. Therefore, narcissists employ a range of approaches to defend against this,  such as grandiosity and entitlement, but these do not always work. In other words, the narcissist’s fear of being found out means that they are constantly at risk of shame. 

It is impossible to have a healthy, authentic relationship in the long term with the narcissist because you never know what will trigger their shame. In most cases,  what will trigger them has nothing to do with you.  They just take it out on you.  For example, it may happen if you succeed where they cannot.  As you can see over these many months, SCM has had the most troubles with people with successful careers, professions, etc.

I actually feel sorry for him because he has real talent in some areas and can be comical at times.

The sad news in all this is, it almost never ends well for his type. I'm hoping he
s the exception, not the rule.

sound like anyone else we know?