ATTENDANCE AT HAWTHORNE TONIGHT OVER/UNDER 55

[kantseeback]

          2 hillbillies, a race track phil look alike, 2 hookers from the Show of Shows, 2 he shes, a cat with one ear, a one-eyed dog and a midget

Was the midget named Rocco?

[GOAT]

If there is hardly anyone there, how many live mutual clerks are working?

[She Dont Know]

Rats,rats and more rats, that's what is at Hawthorne. They are everywhere. Worse racing condi tions l have ever seen. Fold Illinois up, it's seen it's hay day, now put it to rest and relocate to the states that are taking care of their horseman.

[Grandstand Handicapper]

          2 hillbillies, a race track phil look alike, 2 hookers from the Show of Shows, 2 he shes, a cat with one ear, a one-eyed dog and a midget

Race track Phil...are you talking about Phil Guagliardo? He had a brother named "Sonny" (I think his real name may have been Sal)?

[GOAT]

If they have a rodent problem on the backstretch, why doesn't the Carey family call a pest control company to eliminate the problem?

[GOAT]

I took a shit at Hawthorne yesterday and there was no toilet paper in there.  WTF?